Pulling back

I am writing this post to bring up a few things I have heard recently. I have been a part of the community of book bloggers for over a year now. I have made quite a few friends and I have had a great time. However it is time for me to pull back out of the social networking. I will still be hanging around on Twitter and doing what I should be doing. Cultivating readers, posting relevant links. Not having conversations and procrastinating. I will be blogging more, I have been doing that this year already and my numbers do not suffer when I am not active.

I have been told a few times recently that people thought I was unapproachable. That as one of the big book bloggers (and really I am not) they thought I would bully them or be not so nice. That is not me and I do not want to put off that kind of vibe.

I have been told that there is an in crowd. I am pretty oblivious apparently and I have always said “No there is not”, that is not exactly true, there is a crowd that feels the need to be a part of everything, or organize everything. They do tend to leave others out and I have never been one for keeping up with the Jones-es.

I have set out when I built this blog with my husband to have quality, honest reviews and that is all I need to focus on. It is what I do and I am proud of my work and happy for all the people I have met. I have already been through High School and its ridiculous at the age of thirty doing that again on the internet.

I am re-thinking all blogger activities I have set up in my schedule. I am excited about the book walk in March. I am speaking at three conferences for the industry and as a community manager by trade have done a bang up job cultivating my target audience. It is time to work more on my blog and less time trying to keep up. It’s really not a competition and I do not want to be counted as one of the crowd that people feel are not approachable.

This may ruffle some feathers and for that I do not apologize. It’s really not a contest and no one is going to win anything except a reputation for ridiculousness.

(Possibly) Related Posts

Tags: book blogging, social media

This entry was posted on Tuesday, February 9th, 2010 at 4:51 pm and is filed under Blog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

28 Responses so far

February 9th, 2010 at 4:58 pm
By: Kate

You have been super great in helping me with my blog, you are so appreciated! I can’t wait to meet you in May in NYC!
February 9th, 2010 at 5:15 pm
By: Lexie C.

I’ve always wondered about this ‘in crowd’ folks speak of. Whenever I hear it I run the other way b/c it sounds so…high school (which, granted, many bloggers are still in, or just out of).

I had no idea that book blogging was so much more of a social thing–I think it was like personal blogging, you get friends, you talk about stuff and the added benefit is you might get a free book.

::sigh:: I’m glad I’m too anti-social to be bothered by anyone XD (huh much like HS…)
February 9th, 2010 at 5:18 pm
By: Pam

Exactly I never notice anything until later. I was told “oh you are nice I thought you wouldn’t talk to me” blah blah and so on several times. I don’t want to be thought of like that. I am super nice and no ones blog is better than an-others blog IMHO and I don’t want to play the petty parts.
February 9th, 2010 at 5:21 pm
By: Helen

I am so glad that you are figuring out what YOU want out of book blogging and not what others want. Enjoy the new “emotional freedom” (hope that doesn’t sound lame). I know what you mean as it is easy to get caught up in the race to have more followers, read what everyone else is reading, etc. We should blog for the enjoyment of it and the reading.
February 9th, 2010 at 5:22 pm
By: Aarti

Wow, Pam, I am surprised but from your blog post I guess I can see what you mean. I think I am oblivious to the “in crowd” in blogging, too. Maybe because I am not in it? Or because I don’t follow 500 blogs to notice? I don’t know, but I am glad I have never encountered unkind people

I don’t see you as unapproachable at all, and I hope someone hasn’t made you think that you are. I will miss you on social media, but I suppose I can always comment here and email you if I have something very long to say!
February 9th, 2010 at 5:34 pm
By: Pam

Aarti I will be on Twitter just not as much. I just want to read more blog posts about books, read less dramatic stuff. I don’t like what I have seen recently and I started this blog to talk about books and that is what I want to do in the community. So I am still there probably just as much (well a little less) just in a different capacity reading different things

Thank you Helen. It does feel good to go back to only reading and writing reviews and talking about interesting things in the publishing world.
February 9th, 2010 at 5:37 pm
By: Chris@bookarama

I don’t know why someone would think you are unapproachable. You seem pretty friendly to me.
February 9th, 2010 at 5:37 pm
By: Shy

I remember the first time I approached you on Twitter, complimenting your superb blog design.

From that moment on, I feel like I’ve gain a good friend, whose advise I deeply appreciated and you definitely have supported me a lot during this one month of blogging.

Thanks you, Pam and am hoping to still see a lot of you on Twitter
February 9th, 2010 at 6:08 pm
By: Molly

I will never ever forget your kind support this past January. I think I may have an inkling of what you are feeling/talking about. I look forward to reading your book reviews and cultivating reader posts.
February 9th, 2010 at 7:46 pm
By: Michelle

I applaud you for recognizing a trend and speaking your mind about it. I love blogging and the social media aspect of it, but there are times I just have to ignore Twitter because it feels like one big clique, of which I am on the fringes. Like you, it feels a bit too much like high school at times for me to want to participate when it gets like that.

As for not being approachable, I hope you know you are so approachable that I feel like we’re friends! You have been incredibly helpful and friendly. Obviously, the people who have said that to you have never actually tried to approach you.

I look forward to seeing you focus on books and would be happy to discuss them with you either on your blog or on Twitter at any point in time!
February 9th, 2010 at 8:02 pm
By: Donna

Pam, I think you have a lovely personality and have always seen you as very approachable. You are one of my first memories of a nice blogger when I started taking blogging a little more serious than a doodle spot. Do what you need to do for yourself and what you think is right. That’s what I try to do.

Who would ever want to relive the drama of High School!?!? Not me.
February 9th, 2010 at 8:03 pm
By: Melissa (Betty and Boo Chronicles)

Hi Pam ~ I’m glad to hear that you’ll still be blogging, because your blog is among my favorites. For what it’s worth, I’ve never viewed you as unapproachable … on Twitter or otherwise.

I do understand where you are coming from and your perspective, and sometimes we do have to do what feels right for us.

I’m just glad you’ll still be blogging.
February 9th, 2010 at 8:41 pm
By: katiebabs

Do what makes you happy and don’t worry about those people who think they are the “in-crowd”. I stopped worrying where I thought I had to try and be hip and make my blog much like those I think are the cool kids. And since I’ve stopped trying to reach to their standards or decided to do things the way I like it, the stress has left.
February 9th, 2010 at 8:42 pm
By: SuziQoregon

Unapproachable? not at all.

In crowd? Not a clue – if there are Jones-es I’m not trying to keep up either.

Doing what you want to do with your blog and your time – brilliant!
February 9th, 2010 at 9:26 pm
By: J.C. Montgomery

I can understand many of the things of which you’ve mentioned. It’s why I also have taken a step (or two) back to do some re-evaluation.

Of course, being sick so much of late has given me plenty of time too.

I’ve already pulled back on Twitter, yet I did get on FB. However, that is because my family and several close friends are on there and I see it more of a way to keep touch with that aspect of my life, not so much my blogging. Even though I do link reading notes and reviews there.

My book blog, Twitter, Facebook, and a soon to be revamped writing site. That’s good enough for me.

And the time spent on Twitter and Facebook are limited to an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening. Unless there is a discussion or something I wish to follow and/or involve myself with.

Unapproachable? Heck, you came all the way to Reno to visit and made time for us to meet…when you were pregnant! Your husband also gave up some of his time to allow us to get to know each other better and to help with me becoming self-hosted.

I can’t think of any couple as generous and kind as you both. You two have helped me and my blog more than I can say, and it bothers me that my lack of attention is in some way a smack in the face of all the help you offered.

I know that isn’t true necessarily, but how I feel. Another reason I wish to re-do my priorities and make it better. For me, it is a way to say thank you for your help.

You have always amazed me with your energy, dedication, and willingess to contribute.

Whatever you need to do to maintain such integrity, you go and do. There are many of us who empathize and will continue to follow you wherever you are.
February 9th, 2010 at 9:57 pm
By: Katy

There is an “in” crowd? I’m so clueless. LOL

I should really step back from Twitter but I think I have a bit of an addiction right now. I’ve eased up on posting to my blog because I don’t have as much time right now and it started to feel automated with all of the memes I was participating in.

I just want to read and talk to people about books. Keeping up with the in-crowd never crossed my mind.
February 9th, 2010 at 10:15 pm
By: Carrie K.

I must have missed the latest drama – but I think you’re very approachable! I’m glad you’re still blogging – and hopefully we can still cross Twitter paths once in a while.
February 9th, 2010 at 10:33 pm
By: Nicole

I am totally baffled that anyone thinks that you are unapproachable or would have said. Blogging should be about reading and talking about the books you enjoy in any way that you decide to do that. I’m looking forward to catching you on twitter from time to time, and of course here at your blog.
February 9th, 2010 at 10:39 pm
By: Pam

Thanks so much for all of your comments. I had a really hard look at myself when I got those comments and I deserved them for sure. I am all up on Twitter still for all the book stuff. I just need to focus more on my blog than on the conversational stuff I have been doing. I am online way too much. Whenever the kids are sleeping really.

There is not an ‘in crowd’ in the sense of meanness but there are people who SEEM to feel like they are better than others and I just don’t want others to think that of me. I can make a big list of all the cool crap I do for charity but that is just lame, or a list of all the times I have reached out to help a fellow blogger, again lame.

I am glad to have met on and some offline everyone of you that have commented here. I really didn’t expect any comments I think its burn out time. I need to do something else. Write reviews, read books. I also want to do more than just YA on the blog. I read a lot more than that… I almost took a Pub job and I am speaking all over in the industry. It’s time for me just to be a blogger again for a while…
February 10th, 2010 at 5:44 am
By: Jackie (Farm Lane Books)

I love the idea of some people getting a “reputation for ridiculousness.” LOL!!

I have no idea what the latest twitter scandal is. I’m normally only on twitter in the morning and since I live in the UK most of the US is in bed. This means that I miss out on much of the gossip. Everything is very civilised in the morning!

I’m sorry to hear that you’ve had some nasty comments, but pleased that you are rising above it. I have always found you approachable and your blog is great. Keep up the good work and ignore all that bad feeling.
February 11th, 2010 at 3:01 am
By: The Kool-Aid Mom

OMG, you’re unapproachable? Crap, I didn’t know. If I had known that I might not have tweeted to you or commented here… LOL. I’m always in the dark on these things.

Seriously, though, I know what you mean about the whole “in-crowd” in blogging and am with you that that is just too High School for me. I doubt, or at least hope, that those “in-crowders” don’t think that of themselves, either.

I love what you do, and think you add another dimension to the blogging world. I’m enjoying the POC Reading Challenge
February 11th, 2010 at 4:25 am
By: RRRJessica

I came over from Katiebabs’ post. I’m sorry you are dealing with unpleasantness. If it helps your mood, I wanted to comment just to say I think this is the best looking book blog I have ever seen.
February 11th, 2010 at 9:30 am
By: Michelle

Pam, I don’t think you’re unapproachable at all but I admit I understand the feeling you’re expressing. I don’t think people intend to be cliquish, I think in general most gravitate towards their friends and socialize with them (we know this is true in life everywhere not just social media) and don’t realize they might be excluding others. I’m sure I’m guilty of it myself at times.

In the end I think all any of us can do is to hopefully be inclusive, maintain the friendships we’ve created and blog the way we feel most comfortable blogging. If you feel like how you’ve been interacting here and in social media outlets works for you don’t let anyone tell you differently.
February 11th, 2010 at 9:45 am
By: heidenkind

Pam, I don’t think you’re unapproachable at all! You’ve always been one of the friendliest bloggers I talk to. I think some people just have their own insecurities (I’m guilty of this as well) and that’s why they feel intimidated by other bloggers.

I can understand wanting to pull back a bit from blogging or refocus more on certain things. I think I’ve been doing a bit of that this last month, too–social networking can take over your life if you let it. Or at least that’s the way it feels like sometimes.
February 11th, 2010 at 9:53 am
By: Debbie's World of Books

LOL. I never thought of you as unapproachable. You and Laura have always been great about sharing info and getting together here in the Bay Area.

I do know what you mean about the “in crowd” but really like others mention it’s like high school. I’ve had to pull back myself and not pay attention because really why stress out over it? I have my own life and interests and don’t want to get sucked into any drama. I also think there are a group of people, the organizers, you mention that just have a natural tendency to want to plan things or formulate new ideas and they tend to gravitate towards one another. I don’t think they mean to exclude others but really if you are not able to participate on the same level it’s hard to really fit in with them.

Book blogging for me was 1-for fun and 2-for trying to keep track of what I read. The friendships I’ve made are a big bonus but I didn’t start my blog to try and be “popular” or one of those blogs that everyone knows.

Sorry for the long babble but yes I’ve definitely cut back on the amount of time I spend on Twitter and other social networks. I get on when I can but I’m trying to focus more on my blogging and reading and commenting on other blogs of interest to me.
February 12th, 2010 at 7:16 am
By: Serena (Savvy Verse & Wit)

I really liked this post and I have to agree…there must be an in crowd, but I don’t feel like I’m in it or unapproachable either, but I have no idea how others perceive me.

I love your blog and hope to see more great reviews and discussions.
February 14th, 2010 at 2:21 am
By: Nymeth

I never got the impression that you were unapproachable, Pam – quite the contrary. Having said that, I understand the need to pull back, to focus more on books and less on other stuff. That decision was made for me a few months ago due to some changes in my personal circumstances, and I think it did me good.
March 7th, 2010 at 6:19 am
By: Tif

Here, here!!! I completely understand what you are saying and support you 100%!! I’ve been blogging for quite a while now and I’m not in that “in-crowd” and I don’t want to be. I want to talk books and have great conversation with others who want the same. It is that simple!! I don’t want or need the other drama!!